fat :(

i thought i was all along not too fat nor too skiny.. but after i went for attachment.. i grew fatter.. damn!! my hip from 32/33 to 35/36.. fucked.. all the after eating then go sit down routine for the past 4 months makes my hip area incrase?! i dun want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was thinking of gaining weight 2 months ago for some reasons.. but the area i wanna it to grow big doesn't instead my arms and hip?!
yesterday qi hui asked me ni zhui jin hao chi hao zhu hor? i was like ya!! but actually there is another meaning to it.. it means i grow FATTER!!! omg.. totally hate it.. yesterday when we were having dinner my sis only ate 1/4 of her rice.. but i ate like 3/4 of it with FRIED chicken and i am not even full yet.. i actually wanna finish the whole plate of rice.. but after seeing how much she eats i stopped coz i feel like i really eat alot.. i eat junk food after work when i reach home.. follow by dinner.. then biscuits after that at times? i eat whenever i feel stress or angry.. during lunchtime, when my colleague and i eat out.. i eat malay rice all the time followed by a peanut pancake.. i felt guilty only after eating the whole pancake.. but i just can't resist temptations.. hopefully the pancake stall close down tomorrow follow by the malay stall.. HAHA...
joan also say so.. she was like you arms... coz last time i never see this now i see it.. can't remember what she really say.. but the meaing is I GREW FATTER... when i see the mirror i saw abit of double chin.. FUCK.. I"M GONNA LOST MY CHIN SOON!! but i just pretend i saw nothing and walk off or i just press my fats inwards and inside thinking.. if i dun have this layer of fats that layer of fats in front of the mirror for a fw minutes then walk off.. haha..
sat and sun are like my favourite days.. coz it's junk food day.. i watch tv, sleep and eat all the rubbish things.. sometimes i even wish i have a bigger stomach.. so i can eat more.. coz no matter how muuch junk food i eat.. it's never enough for me..
and now.. i dun even know if i should continue eating and enjoy life without restictions or eat less? but can i resist all the temptations?