fat :(

i thought i was all along not too fat nor too skiny.. but after i went for attachment.. i grew fatter.. damn!! my hip from 32/33 to 35/36.. fucked.. all the after eating then go sit down routine for the past 4 months makes my hip area incrase?! i dun want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was thinking of gaining weight 2 months ago for some reasons.. but the area i wanna it to grow big doesn't instead my arms and hip?!
yesterday qi hui asked me ni zhui jin hao chi hao zhu hor? i was like ya!! but actually there is another meaning to it.. it means i grow FATTER!!! omg.. totally hate it.. yesterday when we were having dinner my sis only ate 1/4 of her rice.. but i ate like 3/4 of it with FRIED chicken and i am not even full yet.. i actually wanna finish the whole plate of rice.. but after seeing how much she eats i stopped coz i feel like i really eat alot.. i eat junk food after work when i reach home.. follow by dinner.. then biscuits after that at times? i eat whenever i feel stress or angry.. during lunchtime, when my colleague and i eat out.. i eat malay rice all the time followed by a peanut pancake.. i felt guilty only after eating the whole pancake.. but i just can't resist temptations.. hopefully the pancake stall close down tomorrow follow by the malay stall.. HAHA...
joan also say so.. she was like you arms... coz last time i never see this now i see it.. can't remember what she really say.. but the meaing is I GREW FATTER... when i see the mirror i saw abit of double chin.. FUCK.. I"M GONNA LOST MY CHIN SOON!! but i just pretend i saw nothing and walk off or i just press my fats inwards and inside thinking.. if i dun have this layer of fats that layer of fats in front of the mirror for a fw minutes then walk off.. haha..
sat and sun are like my favourite days.. coz it's junk food day.. i watch tv, sleep and eat all the rubbish things.. sometimes i even wish i have a bigger stomach.. so i can eat more.. coz no matter how muuch junk food i eat.. it's never enough for me..
and now.. i dun even know if i should continue eating and enjoy life without restictions or eat less? but can i resist all the temptations?

loves

sorry for the lack of updates.. busy completing logs and with work.. hopefully things will get better coz i had been quite unlucky begining of june.. late for work for 1 hour, work given was not done properly, was badly graded for my assignment which leads me crying non stop.. come to think about it, i just find myself very weak and always crying over trival silly matters.. when i talk about it i start crying.. looking at my boss i cried again.. makes me look so stupid and embarassing.. i totally hate it when i cry over things that can be solve.. because i find that if things can be solve whether easy or hard i dun see a need to cry.. coz crying does not solve the problems at all... you will just let the negative side take over you.. anyway my boss talked to me when he saw me crying non stop.. all i say was sorry.. sorry and sorry.. i felt really bad coz he was shocked and surprise.. coz NOBODY cry over marks.. he say that the past girls never cry because of thier grades.. and i dun wanna make things werid.. hopefully he won't give me a better grade for the next assignment because i cried and he don't want me to cry again.. coz i hate ppl pity me..

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anyway.. met up with qihui yesterday for movie.... watched blood, the last vampire.. awsome show... but the ending was abit "wadever".. actually planned to have steamboat and drinking with her boyfriend and friends.. but changed plan to MAHJONG... wooohooo.. so met my sis after her work.. then when to have desert and went over to my place for mj..

pictures!

cam-whore after we reach home.. haha



individual pic with our MJ...

then we remove our make up and take pics again.. but most of it was unpresentable.. too ugly.. haha...

ok.. that's all.. till next time... :)

never be too soft-hearted coz in the end only you, yourself will get hurt....

xoxo, xuanen